It's a good day to have a baby!

So a little backstory before the birth story. Since I have GD, there's always a risk of the baby being on the bigger side. Dr. allphin and the ultrasound techs said that baby boy was running big, and so we decided to induce 2 weeks early. I was nervous, but at the same time i was so huge and miserable. I forgot to document this too but from about 28 weeks on I had to give myself insulin shots 3 times a day. that was AWFUL and I don't ever want to do that again. giving myself shots was a literal joke.  I'm bouncing around everywhere sorry, BUT so we scheduled induction date for august 24th at 6 am at EIRMC hospital in Idaho Falls. The whole night before I was trying to get sleep but thoughts were running all over the place. about gracie's whole life changing, hoping the c-section would go okay, anxiety about that, hoping tanner would be in the room with me, and lots more.....haha.

But, we woke up at 4 to get ready, packed the bags, and tanner and i had a great conversation on the way to idaho falls. It was crazy to think that this was the last time as a family of 3!!!

Here's a pic at 38 weeks :) gosh i was so miserable.  but SO READY.

So I really wanted to try a VBAC, but throughout the pregnancy and as we got closer Dr. Allphin decided that my hips are just too narrow to deliver vaginally. HUGE BUMMER, but I just want my babies here safe. I was bummed for a few weeks about it, but the good thing about a scheduled c-section is that you KNOW when the baby is going to come. So we had our bags packed and ready to go, we knew what we needed to bring, we could mentally prepare ourselves, etc. we made it to the hospital at 6 am and got these super cute hats on. Tanner fell asleep right away on the couch across from me while I was getting poked, prodded, ya know, the good stuff. haha.

out. COLD....

RUDE. 

it took them about 2 hours to prepare me for surgery. I was glad that this c-section was planned and not an emergency. With gracie I pushed for 4 hours and she didn't budge, that was really hard. and such an emotional rollercoaster. So I was glad to KNOW what was going on. I was still super nervous because HELLO my stomach was about to be cut open, and a baby ripped out of me. sorry for the gore but those were really my thoughts. haha. The only thing I could remember from my section with gracie was all the tugging. I didn't feel pain but i felt a lot of tugging and pressure. so I was mostly anxious for that. But anyway, they did the epidural and i LOVED being awake and coherent in the operating room. All the surgeons and nurses were so super nice, talking me through the spinal, asking me what we were naming him, asking me how much I thought he was going to weigh, etc.  I was so anxious but so excited all at the same time. a much better way to go into surgery though. So they gave me the spinal in the OR, tanner wasn't allowed in the room yet ( SO LAME) i hated that part. but he was able to come in as they started cutting into me. lol.

So I remember when Dr. Allphin started everything. I could vaguely feel his hands rubbing my stomach. his hands were warm. He said: "ok here comes the blade, tell me if you feel this."

UM WHAT?!?!?! don't say that!!!!!

I was terrified and i actually laughed in his face and said "DONT TELL ME YOURE ABOUT TO CUT INTO ME!" everyone laughed. but i was not amused!

But I couldn't feel a thing. From start to finish, it took about 20 minutes to get the baby out and get me all stitched up.

I remember the first glance I had at my baby boy, he was SO TINY, and so purple. haha. he was screaming his little head off and the nurses were just frantically trying to weigh him and wipe him off. I remember they kept saying how handsome he was.That's about all I remember. As I was laying on the table like some sort of animal, tanner was able to take him and hold him while i recovered. I've always been super sensitive to anesthesia so it took me like 4 hours to snap out of it and want to hold my baby. It was so weird. I vaguely remember Tanner asking me several times if I was ready to hold him and I kept saying no because my hands were numb and my head was foggy. it was the weirdest feeling. My baby was in the same room as me yet I wasn't ready to hold him. it was strange. 

introducing....

CARSON KEVIN STEVENS

Aug 24th 

6 lbs. 8 oz.

20 inches long

8:03 am

I don't even remember smiling for this picture. haha.

I remember when I was FINALLY feeling up to holding him, it felt surreal because it was like 4 hours after he was actually born. I wanted to do skin to skin so bad. gosh even writing this i can't even believe this moment. I'd waited some VERY LONG 9 months to hold this sweet thing. and he's been cuddly since day 1. I bawled the first time i held him, which was this pic. It took tanner and I about 3 days to decide on a name. Carson was always one we liked but we were struggling with middle names. He didn't nurse well off the bat. It took about 1.5 days for him to get the hang of nursing. but SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIS SISTER!!!!! holy cow. I was so grateful he was able to latch. I had to use the shield but hey I'll take it!

We put several names on the board in our room and finally one clicked: carson kevin stevens. The hospital stay was kind of a blur. I was in idaho falls and gracie was in rexburg, my mom was watching her. She tried to prepare her for the fact that a baby came out of moms belly and he's a boy, mommy has an ouchie, etc. etc. Gracie handled it like a champ though and was SO SWEET.

she was so excited to meet him and "give him so many kisses on his cheeks"

Tanner went home that night to be with gracie, and they came back every day for the 3 days I was there. It was really difficult being there by myself because every time I had to go pee or get up to grab carson to feed him, I'd have to ring the nurse at wee hours in the morning- instead of just waking tanner up and having him help me. that was frustrating. but we had to do what was best for gracie and that was for tanner to be home with her. I remember feeling like such a nuisance calling the nurse at 3, 4 in the morning to help me pee. haha. those poor ladies. bless them.

I took so many darn pictures, so here's a few.

I cannot believe this picture. MY BABIES ARE TWINS!!!!! even down to how their cute little lips are curled.  I still stare at this for hours at a time. Everything is the same...it's CRAZY!!! I sure love my little miracles.

I was in the hospital for the next 3 days, and I really tried to stay up on my pain meds. I didn't want to feel anything. So I was pretty consistent in taking them. I had some super sweet nurses. I was so glad i delivered at EIRMC instead of madison. such a good experience. 

Gracie was so excited to take her baby brother home and "to play with him." hahahaha.

The first night home I slept with him downstairs on the couch because I couldn't go up and down the stairs hardly. I also didn't hardly sleep because I was paranoid of keeping this tiny human alive. haha.

such a happy big sis. she picked out that blanket for him, and those 2 toys and was SO EXCITED to give them to him. so sweet.

 I can't believe we have another little miracle under our roof but i am SO SO GRATEFUL for heavenly father for trusting me with one of His children. I love you baby boy, thanks for choosing me to raise you and love you.