The first night we were home I slept downstairs next to carson on the dockatot. Because of my c-section It was hard for me to go up and down the stairs. I slept hardly at all that night. I was up a lot of the night checking on him making sure he didn't fall off the couch or making sure he was warm. haha. I remember I was the same way with gracie. the first night home I was so paranoid. It didn't help that I had csections so I was on pain meds galore and they both were terrible nursers at first.
Anyway, the first 1-2 weeks of his life were spent doing lots and lots of snuggles. Every day I remember thinking "He's only gonna be a baby once so just soak it in, the house can wait." and I seriously did just that. It was so nice. With Gracie I remember regretting not just sitting and enjoying the snuggles with her. It was rare if I got a shower in, but I didn't care. I wanted to remember the newborn smells, the newborn noises, just everything newborn. I'm OBSESSED with newborn babies. Gracie absolutely adored Carson from the day he was born. Every morning consisted of lots and lots of snuggles from sister, singing songs, smelling his hair, playing with his tiny toes, just enjoying every part of baby brother.
He got circumcised when he was 5 days old and that was HORRIBLE. I made Tanner come with me. They left me in the room and took tanner and carson down the hall. I remember the nurse telling me that I'd be able to hear him screaming for a bit. haha. so naturally I was listening for him. I'll never forget the way he looked at me when I went in there to save him. They had him strapped to the bed and no one was holding or comforting him. It was like this huge relief that mom was here to comfort. UGH that was awful.
a week after carson was born our house flooded. talk about horrible timing. my emotions were already all over the place, I was still hurting from my csection, just to have my house have WATER EVERYWHERE!!!!!! The sewage got backed up and all the carpet downstairs had to be totally replaced. I remember trying to keep my crap together for gracie, but when she wasn't looking I would lose it. my house was torn apart, i had a new baby that just wanted me all day, gracie wanted to play all day but her toy room was a mess and there was nowhere to play in the house, we couldn't use the water, it just was terrible. I tried to have a good attitude about it but my house was literally in shambles. there were these huge fans all throughout my house, and gracie couldn't even get in her toy room to play. luckily my mom let us hang out at her house during the day so that I didn't go stir crazy. During this time I got some SERIOUS anxiety. Looking back I think it was a mixture of a new baby and my house being torn apart, and gracie having to split her time with me. There was no security for me and I didn't like that. But I remember talking to my mom and tanner about how I was feeling. The anxiety was towards gracie though not carson. Like every little thing Gracie did bugged me, and I felt anxious around her all day every day for about 2 weeks. It was the weirdest thing. I dreaded the second she woke up, I didn't know how to take care of her throughout the day, it was SO WEIRD. But I didn't like how i was feeling at all so I really watched it. My parents were so good to me and came and got gracie every day and took her for a few hours to give me a break. I thought I had developed PPD, but the feelings were more towards gracie than carson.
These feelings ended up going away at 2.5 weeks THANK HEAVENS.
Overall the past 2 weeks have been GLORIOUS and I am loving having a newborn. SO MUCH. So is Gracie. She is on cloud 9. I never knew that there was space in my heart for another adorable human, but man is there space. Unlike gracie, carson wakes up every 3 hours to nurse. Gracie slept through the night starting at 8 weeks so this was a huge adjustment for me. He's a terrible sleeper compared to gracie. We had it so good with her! hahaha
I love you Carson Kevin <3 <3
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