Your Happily Ever After

I've had a really rough time sleeping through the night the past couple weeks.  Due to throwing up, throbbing headaches, pain and discomfort, it hasn't been what I would call, fun.  I just woke up about an hour ago due to these things, and I am just exhausted.  This past couple weeks has been. . . . draining to say the least.  But I know when it's all said and done I'll look back and think that I'm a tough cookie. haha. During the past week as I've been trying to stay positive and upbeat, my wonderful hubby says to me, "You're my little trooper you know that."  Such comforting words.  As I have tried to find some strength this morning, I just came across this talk by Elder Uchtdorf.  It's called, "Your Happily Ever After." It was just really fitting, and I loved it.

Here's the link:

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2010/03/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng&cid=facebook-shared

I can't help but laugh when I see something like this. 

    

Finding Hope

The past two weeks have been filled with many different emotions.  Sadness, fear, grief, and hope are just a few.  Tanner and I found out we were pregnant on February 19.  We were overjoyed and extatic over the fact we were going to be parents to a special spirit. Our first ultrasound was March 15.  Days leading up to that, the ultrasound was all that consumed my mind.  I couldn't wait to hear our sweet baby's little heartbeat, and to see the little miracle growing inside of me. I was so nervous, and I just wanted everything to be okay, and just to see our baby growing healthily.  Well, all those nerves were let loose when the doctors couldn't find a heartbeat.  I was about 9 1/2 weeks. I tried and tried holding everything in, until we left the office . . . . I couldn't hold it in any longer.  My fear had come true- fear of losing a precious spirit that God sent to Tanner and I.  We were told to come back in a week and see if they could find a heartbeat then. Same thing . . . . .no heartbeat.  That whole week I had prepared myself for the worst, while still holding on to that tiny ray of hope that they would magically find a heartbeat. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but there are many things I have to be grateful for.

First . . . . . .
My husband. He has been there for me every single day the past 2 weeks.  Snuggling with me in bed, scratching my back, rubbing my feet, getting me jambas, heating up the rice pack 20 times a day, talking to me at wee hours in the morning, talking about our future children, making me dinner, bringing me breakfast in bed, asking me what he can do to help, reassuring me everything will be okay,   rubbing my belly, wiping away my tears, giving me a blessing, and simply hugging me.  I don't know what I would do without him. I really don't.  He is my everything, and I can't thank him enough.

Second . . . . . .
My mom.  I have an amazing mother.  She has an amazing gift of being a friend.  When I told her what was going on, she reassured me that she knows what I'm going through, and if I ever need to talk she was only a phone call away. One day last week she showed up to the door without notice with a bouquet of flowers in her hand, and my favorite treat- florences dipped pretzels.  I didn't ask for it, and she didn't ask me if I needed it.  But it meant the world to me. I don't know how she knew, but she did.  And for that, I am grateful.  There hasn't been a day that's gone by that she hasn't asked me how I'm doing, or ask me if I need anything. I got really blessed- blessed to have a mother that did our laundry, and that brought us dinner one night too. Love you mamma.

Third . . . . . . .
My sisters.  I am blessed to have the sisters that I do.  They, too, have also been here for me every day.  Sending loving texts, ecards, voicemails, and having long conversations about life.  Without them, this experience would've been even harder.

Lastly . . . . . . .
My Heavenly Father.  He has taught me a lot the past couple weeks.  He has taught me that it's okay to grieve, and that He is always there for me- I just have to ask.  Tanner and I have been hanging on to the hope that we can actually get pregnant.  When we got married, we were told that it would be a struggle to have kids . . . . so it has been very comforting to know that one of God's miracles was actually growing inside of me for 9 1/2 weeks.  It is calming to know that it will happen again, and that this is just a tiny bump in the road to prepare us better next time.

My first jean quilt!

So I started a jean quilt in January...I made it one of my resolutions to make one, so I thought I'd get started while I'm still not in school. Here's some pics of the journey!

  

 

We tried to make an S out of jean pockets, can you see it??  I have the jeans all sown together, now it's on to finding some fabric!!!