" The Secret to Raising Happy Kids,"
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=1009&sid=29067666#7TJ0hHSV8WvYPs2l.03
AND
"10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kari-kubiszyn-kampakis/10-common-mistakes-parents-today-make-me-included_b_4753451.html?utm_hp_ref=tw
You'll probably have to copy and paste those to read them- but they are worth it. Well, they were to Tanner and I :) Anyway so the first article, here were some thoughts Tanner and I had that we don't want to forget.
Moms Need Happiness Too: This one just made Tanner and I laugh. We feel it is so important to laugh in our home, and we want to continue that with our kids. Laughter lightens the mood, and it is the best medicine I say.
Dad's Matter- big time: Tanner is going to be the best dad. I can just see it now. He walks in the door from work and our kids run to the door to greet him. I have a feeling our kids are going to look forward to when daddy gets home to play with them. Tanner has always been so fun with kids, and will play with them until he's out of breath :)
Fight Fair: Tan and I think arguing is healthy- but not in front of your kids. Kids totally learn from example so if you fight and yell and say horrible things to your spouse in front of your kids, they are going to learn to do the same things. I don't want that.
Custom Parenting: I really liked this one. And it's funny because Tanner and I say all these things that we do and don't want to do with our kids, but it really is easier said than done. But this one- is big I think. Every child is different- and they are all going to react differently to discipline, rewards, praise, disappointment, etc. It's important to find what your child needs and stick to it with that particular child. I have a feeling this one's gonna be a toughy haha.
Children Need Purpose: I liked this one- it talked about teaching your kids to be giving. Since pretty much all of our siblings have several kids, we get to watch them parent their kids, and we have seen a lot of things that we love, and a lot that we despise haha. We feel it's important to teach our kids to be kind, caring, and giving no matter what.
So..to sum it all up I feel that by being nurturing, caring, giving, loving, while yet disciplining your child all at the same time- our kids will love us as parents. hopefully. I guess we'll see :)
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The next article Tanner like tore apart and absolutely loved it.
"10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make."
Observing our siblings all parent their children, Tanner and I would probably say this this is going to be our motto.
"It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings."
Isn't that just amazing? We thought so. I've been thinking a lot about this "motto" and how it's easier said than done- but I want to try my best to do it. Now I want to clarify that what I'm going to talk about is just my own experience of growing up, and that I'm not trying to put my parents at fault or anything- because I was stubborn. And it takes two :) So Anyway... just a thought on that:
When I got to college, I had a pretty interesting transition from being home with my parents, to being on my own. To being and becoming an adult. I'm sure pretty much all of these are my fault because my mom tells me that she would suggest helping me learn something, but a lot of times I didn't want to learn them. haha. so my fault :)
But...
with my own kids, I really want to teach them simple things that involve being an adult. for example:
-how to do laundry on their own. How to start the machines, what detergent to use, all the little details you need to know.
-how to fill up a car with gas, and how to check and change the oil.
-how debit and credit cards, and checks work.
-Talk to them about mortgages, loans, and all types of insurance.
-Cooking. Teach them the basics of how to do the simple things. I've even thought maybe that this would be fun. Take them to the grocery store and have them, with my help, make a grocery list and every night help them and teach them make the weeks menu. I think this would help a TON!! They would learn so much I feel like.
-Bills. How to pay them. Basics of this.
And...I'm sure there's so many more. When I went to college and even got married, let's just say that I didn't know a lot of these things- and it was very challenging and frustrating for me. And Tanner. I wish I would've been teachable enough to learn all of these things- it would've helped me a whole lot!
So back to the article. I'm just going to choose mine and Tanner's favorites because there's a lot.
Mistake #1: worshiping your child.
Tanner and I really think that worshiping your child can be a good thing, but not to do it too much. We watch our siblings with this, and we can already tell that the kids that have been 'worshiped' per-say, are already struggling with self-esteem issues. So...instead of worshiping every little thing they do, love everything they do instead. In the long-run, we think it'll make a huge difference.
Mistake #2: Believing our children are perfect.
This one- is a big one. Tanner and I have seen it everywhere. The lady in the article said this about it:
" The problem is that parents today don't want to hear anything negative about their kids. When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the knee-jerk reaction is often to attack the messenger. The truth can hurt, but it's easier to deal with a troubled child than repair a broken adult."
Man! That says it all right there. I don't need to say more.
Mistake #3: Raising the child we want, not the child we have.
Forcing your own dreams on your child doesn't work. I totally 100% agree with this one. And I know it's gonna be tough. It sounds tough just reading it haha. But...I've watched this many times too and it hurts me. It hurts me because I feel that some parents try and raise the child THEY want them to become, not the person that their CHILD wants to become. So they're child's dreams are shattered, because they feel like they have to live up to their parents dreams. Breaks my heart.
Mistake #4: Judging other parents--and their kids.
I have learned a great deal of this one I think. Between the friends I had in high school, the friends my husband has, and working with developmentally disabled, this one also breaks my heart. Especially the Rexburg population-it is so judgmental, and Tanner and I have a really hard time with that. Even with my own family, people judged us for things that happened growing up, and in a way it shattered our family for a while. And I think more important than what we SAY to a person we are judging, our actions and body language says just as much as our mouth does. I've learned this one many times in my life. DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE. We never know what someone's going through or when we'll need mercy ourselves. And while we can't control judgmental thoughts, we can cut them short by seeking to understand the person instead of jumping to conclusions. I hope to teach this to my kids. I'm very passionate about it :)
All in all, I have a feeling parenting is going to be harder than I think, but I hope I can prepare myself right now to be the mom I want my kids to have :)
My brother said something funny yesterday when I told him Tanner and I are super excited for this child to get here. I told him it would be a fun, crazy adventure and he goes,
"It'll be a fun, crazy, 18 year adventure! Are you ready for that?"
HAHAHAHA I don't know if I am. But I will sure try!
I'm glad to see that you read those articles. I thought they were great. You two will make great parents. Keep reading, laughing and growing!
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