Your Happily Ever After

I've had a really rough time sleeping through the night the past couple weeks.  Due to throwing up, throbbing headaches, pain and discomfort, it hasn't been what I would call, fun.  I just woke up about an hour ago due to these things, and I am just exhausted.  This past couple weeks has been. . . . draining to say the least.  But I know when it's all said and done I'll look back and think that I'm a tough cookie. haha. During the past week as I've been trying to stay positive and upbeat, my wonderful hubby says to me, "You're my little trooper you know that."  Such comforting words.  As I have tried to find some strength this morning, I just came across this talk by Elder Uchtdorf.  It's called, "Your Happily Ever After." It was just really fitting, and I loved it.

Here's the link:

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2010/03/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng&cid=facebook-shared

I can't help but laugh when I see something like this. 

    

Finding Hope

The past two weeks have been filled with many different emotions.  Sadness, fear, grief, and hope are just a few.  Tanner and I found out we were pregnant on February 19.  We were overjoyed and extatic over the fact we were going to be parents to a special spirit. Our first ultrasound was March 15.  Days leading up to that, the ultrasound was all that consumed my mind.  I couldn't wait to hear our sweet baby's little heartbeat, and to see the little miracle growing inside of me. I was so nervous, and I just wanted everything to be okay, and just to see our baby growing healthily.  Well, all those nerves were let loose when the doctors couldn't find a heartbeat.  I was about 9 1/2 weeks. I tried and tried holding everything in, until we left the office . . . . I couldn't hold it in any longer.  My fear had come true- fear of losing a precious spirit that God sent to Tanner and I.  We were told to come back in a week and see if they could find a heartbeat then. Same thing . . . . .no heartbeat.  That whole week I had prepared myself for the worst, while still holding on to that tiny ray of hope that they would magically find a heartbeat. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but there are many things I have to be grateful for.

First . . . . . .
My husband. He has been there for me every single day the past 2 weeks.  Snuggling with me in bed, scratching my back, rubbing my feet, getting me jambas, heating up the rice pack 20 times a day, talking to me at wee hours in the morning, talking about our future children, making me dinner, bringing me breakfast in bed, asking me what he can do to help, reassuring me everything will be okay,   rubbing my belly, wiping away my tears, giving me a blessing, and simply hugging me.  I don't know what I would do without him. I really don't.  He is my everything, and I can't thank him enough.

Second . . . . . .
My mom.  I have an amazing mother.  She has an amazing gift of being a friend.  When I told her what was going on, she reassured me that she knows what I'm going through, and if I ever need to talk she was only a phone call away. One day last week she showed up to the door without notice with a bouquet of flowers in her hand, and my favorite treat- florences dipped pretzels.  I didn't ask for it, and she didn't ask me if I needed it.  But it meant the world to me. I don't know how she knew, but she did.  And for that, I am grateful.  There hasn't been a day that's gone by that she hasn't asked me how I'm doing, or ask me if I need anything. I got really blessed- blessed to have a mother that did our laundry, and that brought us dinner one night too. Love you mamma.

Third . . . . . . .
My sisters.  I am blessed to have the sisters that I do.  They, too, have also been here for me every day.  Sending loving texts, ecards, voicemails, and having long conversations about life.  Without them, this experience would've been even harder.

Lastly . . . . . . .
My Heavenly Father.  He has taught me a lot the past couple weeks.  He has taught me that it's okay to grieve, and that He is always there for me- I just have to ask.  Tanner and I have been hanging on to the hope that we can actually get pregnant.  When we got married, we were told that it would be a struggle to have kids . . . . so it has been very comforting to know that one of God's miracles was actually growing inside of me for 9 1/2 weeks.  It is calming to know that it will happen again, and that this is just a tiny bump in the road to prepare us better next time.

My first jean quilt!

So I started a jean quilt in January...I made it one of my resolutions to make one, so I thought I'd get started while I'm still not in school. Here's some pics of the journey!

  

 

We tried to make an S out of jean pockets, can you see it??  I have the jeans all sown together, now it's on to finding some fabric!!!

Presidents Day Weekend

So Tanners family has a tradition that they started 15 years ago.  Tanners dad invites his 3 best friends from high school to bring their families up to their house, and go on their famous "luge sledding hill," and go snowmobiling, have sled wars, eat lots of food, and play lots of hilarious games.  This year was a sparce year, but it was still fun.  Here's some pics of the fun weekend:

                                               LUGING!!!

                                             SLED WARS!!!

                             Thanks for the fun weekend Stevens Clan!

Happy Valentines Day!

So I decided that Valentines day is totally a woman holiday.  Tanner expressed to me that he doesn't like it because he never knows what to get me "to show me he loves me."  Well, this year I was excited to just go crazy for tanner.  I woke up early and made him breakfast in bed, then I decorated the bed with a love note and some presents, then we went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner, and then just came home and relaxed.  It was such a good day.  Tanner made me a bouquet out of candy, and a rose. It was cute.  Love you Tan.  You're the Man.

 This is Tanner when I woke him up to have breakfast in bed. hahaha.

                                      Love him.

I love you Tanner, thanks for putting up with me!!  I am the luckiest girl on the planet.

T.I.M.E.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about a lot of things.  Life isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.  I have realized the past month that the Lord truly knows each and every one of us.  He knows when we are struggling, He knows our thoughts and intents, He know us all individually, and He loves us all unconditionally. I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have that my Savior loves me, and He knows me personally.  I have really come to the realization the past month that the gospel is true.  I really don't know where I would be without it.  The peace and joy that the gospel brings cannot be replaced by anything else.  It is what brings true happiness, and it really is what this life is all about. I am so incredibly grateful for trials.  Some people might think this is just crazy but I really am grateful for the trials that I have.  Without trials, we wouldn't recognize the good in our lives.  Trials and hardships help me recognize the positive things in my life, instead of focusing on the negative. It's hard to think of the more positive things sometimes, but I am learning to do this. Every day I am reminded how good my life is, and how blessed I am.  I am grateful for all 4 of my siblings, their spouses, all of my nieces and nephews, my parents, and especially my husband.  My husband is my rock, and he helps me more than he knows.  Marriage is the biggest blessing, and I'm so grateful I found Tanner when I did. I've had a lot of trials in the past year, some big, some small.  But it's how we choose to react to those trials that makes us who we are.  We can either choose to react negatively, or positively, and I choose positively!  I'm so grateful for this gospel, and especially for the Atonement.  I have seen the Atonement take affect in my life the past year, and I am so grateful for it.  I'm grateful for my Savior, that he sacrificed so much for ME, so that I can return to live with Him someday.  I'm grateful for eternal marriage, and the knowledge that I have that families can be together forever.  I love my family, and I want them all to know that. Life is about TIME, and that's all I need is T.I.M.E. (Together In Making Eternity). Life is good- find something to smile about! :)

January update

So Tanner and I have done some pretty fun and crazy things this month. Here's some pictures of some of the things we've done.  I just love Tanner so stinking much.  He makes marriage so fun, and always has a happy spirit to build me up.  I am so blessed to have him, and the Lord reminds me each and every day how blessed I am to have him.  Love you sug!!!

Bread fights, flour fights, pigtail day, crazy faces, farkle, pure bliss, and pure joy. I am so blessed.  This is what life is all about :)


Whitney and Talmage got married on the 18th, and it was a gorgeous day!! Congrats to the cute couple :)

                                           What a great day for Whit and Talmage :)