When Tan and I got married, I had no idea what we'd be going through to try and have a child. A year of fertility treatments wasn't what I expected. But I'll tell you what, getting pregnant on the second treatment has left us with a little ray of hope and sunshine, because we DID get pregnant. So it CAN happen. And I know it can. It may not be the right time, or it may just be a bump in the road, but we haven't lost hope. I recognize now that God has his hand in all things, and that it will happen when HIS timing is right. It's taken me a while to realize that, but I realize it now.
There's something that's been on my mind through this whole experience, and since this is basically my journal, I'm just gonna express it. I have been very frustrated at times when people say things like, "You've been married for 2 years and don't have a baby?" or "so...when are you gonna have a baby?" or..."Any new news?" or "oh you're on fertility treatments....those aren't good for your body.." etc, etc. Going through this has made me see people in a new light. You really don't know what a person is going through. All you can see of a person is their outward appearance, but on the inside, everyone has something that is causing them heartache. everyone does. whether its a new job, can't have a child, divorce, stress at home, arguments, etc. everyone has something in their lives that is causing them to hurt. When people have made those kind of comments to me, I used to just tell people we weren't trying for a while, but that was a lie. So, I started saying things like, "Well, we actually have been trying for a year and a half." or "I had a miscarriage this past march." Not that I want to say those things to be rude or make them feel stupid, but I say them to help people understand that these things are personal, and it's not necessary or considerate to ask a couple why they can't have a child.
Having gone through this, I am grateful. I'm grateful because it has taught me to really not judge people. To not ask people invasive questions about their lives, and to not say things before I think. Words can be a very powerful thing, we just need to learn to use them in the right way. I'm grateful to all the people that are supporting Tanner and I and that use their words in a kind, gentle, and courteous manner. We love our friends and family!
Anyway, today is a good day. A day full of pondering, thinking, and wondering. :)
This just made me bawl like a baby:
http://www.faithit.com/a-powerful-story-of-love-and-commitment-you-wont-forget/
oh mads. i love you. your so strong. couldnt agree more with people saying things too quickly. i get asked a lot too. "youve been married for more than three years and you dont have a baby yet?" my response every time is "well, not from the lack of trying." it pretty much shuts them up while i walk away ticked. probably not the best thing to say but its hard. and poeple dont realize that. keep your chin up lady. Praying for you! it will happen one day!!
ReplyDeleteI agree, everyone is fighting their own hard battles. It is so important to be kind. Thank you for this post!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you said with my whole heart! Love you so much. Thanks for helping me through my own trials by being such a wonderful example and a good listener. I'll keep praying for you if you keep praying for me :) deal? Ok. Deal.
ReplyDeleteMads,
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to think about the "what if's" of life when things go contrary to the desires of our hearts. I can't understand how hard this is for you because I've never had a miscarriage, but I can relate in feeling when you want a baby and it doesn't happen when you want it to... or it takes a long time. It can be emotionally draining and it's hard to keep the baby thoughts out of your mind. I hope your mind doesn't dwell too much on these thoughts so that it prevents you from looking forward in your life. Although you "could have" been parents by now, look at all that you're currently experiencing and doing in your lives :) You and Tanner will go far together and when the time comes . . . you will get your little darlings and you will be so happy. Remember, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways etc." As piercing as that is to hear in times of trial, when you let your faith take over, it's not so painful anymore.
You and Tanner are going to be wonderful, loving, and adventurous parents--I can't wait for that day too! Keep enjoying each other and having fun like you so often do. I feel for you, sister, and am so sorry for this trial in your life. You will get what you want soon :) LOVE YOU
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Such a great outlook my sis. That's what you've GOT to keep doing is having faith. Faith propels and sustains. You're thinking exactly how you should, and I'm proud of you for that because I know how difficult it can be at times. Remember through it all, that once those littles come it just won't be the same with you and Tanner. Meaning it will be a long, long, time before it will just be the two of you again. We think back to before we had kids and wish we would've done more together. More getaways, more sillyness, more outings etc. Enjoy the time you and Tanner have together it will easy the heartache!
ReplyDeleteMaddie, I know the Lord will bless you with the desires of your heart. I loved reading about your strong faith. I love you.
ReplyDeleteDad