2018 TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE

august 21, 2018. a day I will never forget.

You don't realize how truly miraculous this world is until you experience something like this.

this is an actual picture our friend took in his telescope when it was happening. now mind you it was at.

fun fact: a total solar eclipse hadn't happened since 1918!!!!! WHAT!!!!!

the path of totality touched 14 states, where the other states experienced a partial eclipse. seriously this was SO COOL. We set up blankets and stuff on grass near our house and just waited and waited. The anticipation was enough to kill you. HAHA.

So we have our radio set up and are listening to the commentators tell us when it was going to happen. I don't remember the time but it was 12 something in the afternoon. seriously THE COOLEST thing I've ever seen. When totality happened (moon completely covered the sun), it went BLACK!!! in the middle of the day. The moon completely covered  the sun for a whopping 2 minutes and 17 seconds. Talk about the SHORTEST 2 minutes ever!! Seriously I have no words to describe it. you try and take it all in but it was gone so fast! IT was INCREDIBLE. There were people that paid THOUSANDS of dollars to stay in hotel rooms, camp out, etc. SO CRAZY!

Now that I've experienced a total solar eclipse you better believe I'd spend thousands to see it again. We were lucky enough to be one of the cities in the US that was able to experience TOTALITY. 

GOLL I wish I could just stick that image/that 2 minutes of my life in my brain forever! haha.

So they told us that directly looking at the sun when totality happened could really hurt our eyes. 

 so in order for us to look at it directly we had to get special glasses. 

Gracie thought they were pretty fun.

So while the moon is completely covering the sun, for about a minutes time there was this miraculous diamond ring. gold i can't even get words out to express how INCREDIBLE this was.

So here you are, it's 12:33 in the afternoon, you look up and this is what you see. the grass around you is dark, it kinda makes you feel like your eyes wigged out on you or something! within those 2 minutes of totality we were trying to get pictures, all while trying to soak it all in!

TOTALITY: 11:33 AM. this was the best pic we could get. there was SO MUCH emotion and excitement it was AMAZING. Gracie was so confused as she looked around and it all the sudden got dark. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. HAHAHAHA. what was also cool is that moments leading up to totality, you couldn't hear any traffic on the highway. Cars would stop on the side of the road, so there was just utter silence leading up to it.

Anyway this one is one for the books!! And how lucky we were to be in the line of totality so we didn't have to travel or spend thousands of dollars hahahaha.


k hold on i realize this post is all over the charts but check out this image. Through our safety glasses we were able to see all of these phases of the sun! It kind of felt like a dream, it was weird. what a MIRACULOUS view. seriously.

bye bye tonsils and adenoids!

There was a period of about 8 months where Gracie was sick. ALL. THE. TIME.  She'd have one thing and then get struck with another. It was just sickness after sickness! Cold, croup, flu, croup again, cold, diarrhea, just the most random things. Granted it was winter mostly when she was sick so I didn't think much of it. But there got a point where I was SO annoyed and had to figure this out. No child should be sick that much. We went to Dr after Dr who would say "oh it's just a virus" or "looks like she has a cold." "her lungs sound great!" It was getting super annoying because I just wanted my baby to feel better!!

I went to 3 different doctors to get different opinions and didn't get any answers. So I started doing my own research. I read something about constant sickness being associated with asthma. Tanner had asthma as a kid so a lightbulb kicked on in my head and I thought hmmmmmm maybe it's asthma? I just blew it under the house and didn't come back to that idea for awhile. I decided to take her to an ENT specialist where they FINALLY gave me some answers. They said that she had a lot of fluid buildup in her ears. He said it was an orange color which meant it had been sitting there for over 6 months. He said that had I waited just a month longer, that gracie could've gone deaf.

UM WHAT?!?!?!?!

At this point my mind was racing and immediately I was frustrated with the 3 previous Dr's I'd taken her to who had all looked in her ears for ear infections. I know everyone makes mistakes but COME ON!!!!

I switched Gracie's primary doctor after that.

The ENT said that Gracie's tonsils were pretty swollen and since she had this fluid buildup in her ears for so long it would be best to get her tonsils and adenoids removed. A little bit of anxiety set it as I was thinking of my 2 year old baby being put under. BUT I trusted the Dr, he prescribed us some medication for the fluid in her ears, and we scheduled it as soon as they could get us in.

Days leading up to it I think I was more scared than she was. No actually I know I was. she didn't know what the heck was coming! haha. So I pampered her to make me feel better. We went and got pedicures, and then headed to the store to buy all the sugar to make some cookies.

party in the store in our jammies!!!! I got some crazy looks at the store because it was like 10am, my daughter was still in pajamas, no shoes on, and all we had in our cart was SUGAR AND JUNK FOOD!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. But that is a memory I'll never forget. Just me and my girl doin' our thing, having some fun. :)

The night before surgery she couldn't eat or drink anything for 12 hours. Now at this age in gracie's life she HAD to have water before bed, and she's a hungry gal! she loves her breakfasts and her drinks. So you can imagine how that fight went down. haha. We got her into her cute little gown, and the nurses were so sweet. They immediately jumped in and tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible. They gave her an iPad, a sucker for afterwards, and tried to help her feel not as scared. She kept looking at dad and I and all I could see in her eyes was: "MOM why am i in this new place surrounded by ladies in colorful caps?" It really broke my heart. I broke down in tears when she went back into surgery. hahahaha. I'm such a baby. But i mean.....look at this.

She looks terrified.

When she came out of surgery it was AWFUL. she was screaming, kicking, nothing would calm her down. She kept coughing and would cough up blood, she just wouldn't calm down! I am really sensitive to anesthesia so I think she has those awesome genes. haha. I tried sitting by her on the bed, but she'd kick me, and scream. she was mad. We tried giving her some water, but she'd just cough it right up. The nurses would look at me and say "wow she's a strong one isn't she!" didn't quite help the situation but yes they were exactly right. haha. We tried putting the iPad right up to her face and even that didn't work. She just was not happy. poor girl. So we ended up carrying her out to the car, I drove while Tanner held her in the back to try and comfort her. I just wanted to get her home so she could see some familiar surroundings and not be so scared. when we got home she calmed right down. The meds kicked in, she had her sippy and her sucker, and she and I just snuggled.

for the next 3 days.

haha.

 It was a long 3 days. She realized that her throat hurt, and that she couldn't eat or drink like normal. She was not happy about it. haha. BUT she's never been one to snuggle so I soaked in ALL OF THOSE snuggles. For about 3 days she was out of it. She and I just kinda lounged around the house, and I never left her side. When I'd leave she'd freak out. After the 3rd day she started to want to play. The fifth day she actually went outside and rode her skooter! baby steps people.

all in all, it was interesting. I didn't expect her to come out of surgery so mad, but now we know for next time how she'll react if she goes under. Now that that was about a year and a half ago, she hasn't been sick NEAR AS MUCH!!! HALLELUJAH! so glad i followed my gut and took her to a specialist.

Since having this surgery, she's got croup a couple times. So she has a breathing machine to help uncloak her airways. Whenever she gets sick we just give her the steroid through the machine to help boost her immune system a little bit.  I'm so glad we figured out what was wrong!!

IM A SLACKER!!

Wow. I feel like a total slacker in the blogging department!! :(  Things have been a bit crazy around here, buttttttt here I am. Looks like my last post was when Gracie turned 2. She is now 3 almost 4. WOW!!!!, and just is a fireball like no other. We love her SOOOO stinking much, but she loves to test our patience hourly. HAHAHAHAHA. I like to think I'm a pretty patient person but with Gracie....now i question myself. haha.


So the past year and a half. almost 2 years. hmm. I am relying on pictures I've taken the past year to help catch us up a little bit.

I have felt a little "numb" the past year and a half I guess you could say.  I don't know how else to describe how I've been feeling other than numb. Tanner left the church in August of 2016. It's been a pretty rough adjustment for me, and for the both of us. I'm just now coming around to what I'm faced with, while trying to accept it, keep living my life, and be the best I can be.  I don't want to say too much because I need to respect Tanner, and us. But that is the jist of it. I love Tanner with all my heart. It's made me question my every day decisions, and I have lots of thoughts floating around in my head that I try to keep straight on a daily basis. It is extremely trying to live in a mixed religious marriage. I have now questioned things that I never thought I'd question. You still love your spouse, you still love the church, but some days it seems impossible to love both. So I'm here, I'm trying my best, but every day is hard. Not even gonna sugar coat things.

A scripture that keeps me going is Joshua 1:9: " Be strong & courageous. do not be afraid. do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." This scripture doesn't keep me going every day. Some days I don't get out of bed until 9. Some days I get up, read my scriptures, go to the temple, do everything I know I should be doing, but that doesn't happen every day, or every week. I wish it did but it's just not realistic. It's nice to know that family and friends are here for me, but a lot of times I feel alone.

Through this journey I'm learning to just be real. Let my emotions out, and don't try and hide them. Obviously in certain situations I hide them, but for the most part I'm real with people. Instead of saying I'm having a great day when It hasn't been the greatest day, I'll just come out and say what's on my mind. It's helped me truly feel what is going on in my life, instead of hiding it and pretending like every day is filled with roses and chocolate. hahaha. yes that was the best analogy I could just come up with. hahahaha. Also I've realized that being real and open with people has made me feel closer to people. I've had to be careful with who I share this info with, but I pick wisely and try to only be open with people that will stay neutral, and not hate my husband or view him differently for the choices he's made.

Overall, it's really hard. But I'm not giving up. I'm going to experience my emotions, and get through it. No matter what it takes. I love Tanner. I love his whittiness, I love how he works so hard for us so that we can do fun things together. I love how he loves Gracie. I love how he can make me laugh harder than anyone else. I love the conversations we have together. I love his lips. hahahahaha ok ok I'll stop.  Anyway, there's a little glimpse for you. If you see me or Tanner, just love us. Don't treat us different.

If there's one thing I've learned through all this that I can share with the whole world, it would be to just LOVE. That is all you can do in situations like this. LOVE and BE KIND. It doesn't mean you have to agree with what the other person is feeling or doing, but LOVE goes a long way. So if you see us, just LOVE US.


I'm just going to do quick recaps for my records and hopefully I don't slack this much ever again!!!!

MAY 2017:
we bought a freewheeler and had SO MUCH FUN. We went on rides with Gracie every week, and she loved going on "her rides."

Here's just some random pictures that are in my phone from May :)

this is my FAVORITE PICTURE IN THE WHOLE WORLD. we were just at the park one day and didn't even plan this. <3 <3 <3

JUNE 2017:

Gracie and I spent our days outside, mostly playing in the water!!! She's such a little fishy I love it.

she's such a spaz.

JULY 2017:

We went camping with Tanner's family for their reunion, and went to bear lake!! We also had my families reunion the end of July at the HOLMSTEAD RANCH and had SO MUCH FUN!!!! Here's some pics:

HOLMSTEAD RANCH PICS:

For my family's reunion we went to HOLMSTEAD RANCH!! Talk about an amazing trip. they have a man-made lake surrounded by i think 6 cabins. There is a meeting house where we'd meet to eat, have dance parties, talk, have devotionals, etc. SERIOUSLY SO MUCH FUN. This one's for the books! Each family had their own cabin, and our own space. They were like mini hotel rooms with everything you need! a loft area where gracie slept, a pull out bed for us, a TV, a table, fridge, everything you need for a weeks time. I'm sitting here trying to come up with what to even say about the trip. It was just like a dream. I felt like I was in paradise. We were able to swim in the lake, kayak in it, raft, tube, play on the sand, chill, just do whatever! There also were golf carts where we could go on little jaunts if we wanted! the owners house was on the hill and it was MASSIVE> They had fam animals so the kids could feed the animals, there was a shooting range, just so many options to create lasting memories.

here's some pics:

I LOVE This pic. Seriously isn't that view incredible?? Looking back it was probably one of the funnest, most memorable trips I've been on. Tanner and I were able to ponder a lot about life, and just stuff. It was nice to be able to sit there and relax and just do our thing. I ended up driving separate with Gracie because Tanner had to finish some things for work. It went a lot better than I though too! we had a few meltdowns but for an 8 hour drive with just me and her, couldnt've gone any better. My parents put a lot of time and effort into this reunion and it was one for the books!! Thanks mom and Dad.

I knowIi prefaced this post with the struggles I've been having the past while. I'm not quite ready to dive into them quite yet, but stay tuned. It' gonna take me some time.